I’m realizing (and not always with grace) that it’s ok to be uncomfortable in life. The kind of uncomfortable that stretches you to grow and moves you to achieve things you never thought possible.
Marriage is showing (teaching) me that things don’t have to go my way. Sometimes my way only shows me the view from the valley when the opportunity awaits me to see it from the summit (I want to see the view from the summit…I am just afraid).
Mostly, this reluctance to do things outside my comfort zone springs up when we are on vacation. I like having a schedule (plan) when traveling (places to visit with reservations made in advance). However, my husband likes taking it one day at a time….“Who knows how far we will feel like driving” or “If the weather is nice we can camp out,” he says.
I don’t like to fly from the seat of my pants when it comes to these things. It makes me uncomfortable. I don’t like to be uncomfortable. A plan makes better sense to me. Plans are safe…plans are good. That’s my process. That’s how I like to travel. That’s how I do things (I have always done things).
Plans are good, but I’m learning it’s also okay to not have one (or one that is set in stone). I can enjoy our vacation without a schedule…and enjoy that I am spending time with the one I love. Am I totally comfortable with making day-to-day plans on the road? No, but I am learning to cherish every moment we get to do life together on this earth.
My husband is full of wanderlust to explore and see new places (places not even on a GPS map). He loves the water (grew up on lakes) and swims like he’s a fish. I am a land dweller…I want to stay on the shore. The shore is safe. He wants me in the water. That’s risky. He’s a risk taker…he likes the edge. I don’t like the edge. I lived my life away from the edge.
I am not a risk taker…I play it safe (or what I call safe)…I sit on the sidelines (I like the sidelines!!!) I like to be home. I like to do things around the house. I like to spend my days painting. My idea of vacation is sitting still and enjoying one place. It’s checking things off my to do list, painting a little and relaxing in the sun.
Although, vacationing with my husband has stretched me more than I wanted to be pulled, it has also allowed me to experience beauty beyond what my own bent to life would allow me to explore.It’s been hard for me. I have had to adjust my attitude and stop complaining (well…I’m working on this one). I have had to trust the Lord that I would make it through canoeing on lakes (that look like oceans), taking roads that lead to nowhere and hiking trails unknown. I have had to move out of my comfort zone (did I mention I like that zone 🙂 ). I’m learning…and it’s ok that I still have not reached 100% on this one. Most things in life are a process. It’s ok to give yourself permission to process. We both are learning. That’s good. That’s life together. That’s God working out his purpose for our lives through us.
My husband’s learning that I need to feel safe and to give me the what, when, where and how along the journey. I am learning not to extinguish my husband’s adventurous spirit. I’m working on being silent instead of unloving, unkind or harsh when I need answers. I am learning to ask the Lord to show Himself in all we do and to direct our hearts. And when my husband’s way of doing things does not fit my way, I am learning to not stunt how the Lord uniquely created him to be. He’s wise and fun to be with…and I trust him.